these are my confessions (in the 23rd week)

Another installment of my confessions. Nothing extraordinary, just how I'm feeling.

1. I'm waddling way too early in my opinion.

2. There is this adorable girl who works at my school who is about 10 weeks further than me and she always manages to look fabulous at work. Heels, cute outfit, hair done, make up. I feel like a heifer. And her and I look like we're due at the same time. Nice.

3. I frozen yogurt shop opened up next to our house. Like 2 blocks. Trouble, with a capital T.

4. I have actually been good about the caffeine cut off since my heartburn has been bugging the crap out of me and it's helped. No coke, no coffee, no nothing.

5. See 4. No caffeine? I'm so freeeeaking tired. ALL THE TIME. Yesterday, came home from work. Slept from 1-2:30. Avery woke up, we played for like a hour or so, Ken took her to the park. I fell asleep while they were gone. Then went to bed at 10. Woke at 6:45 (I have to BE AT work at 7:00- that might explain #2) and I'm EXHAUSTED!!

6. I easily believe what people say, or what my "what to expect" app says. In the second trimester, I should have energy? I'm mad that I don't.

7. My students still don't know I'm pregnant, just fat.

8. I have yet to gain weight with this baby because I lost so much in the beginning due to being so sick. With Avery, I gained like 30 pounds, mainly towards the end. I'm still down 8 pounds from my first appointment when I was 6 or 7 weeks. Now, I was no skinny minny at that time. I would love to only gain like 10 pounds with this girl. That would make the post baby body revolution a lot easier.

9. I'm praying/hoping/planning for a VBAC. I have been reading this hippie birthing book and it talks about visualizing your birth through birth art. It's basically your metaphor or literal vision of your birth. I feel like my picture would this monster yelling at the anesthesiologist while she tries to give me more medicine while poking every available vein in my body. That would reflect Avery's birth. For this one, I'm picturing a much different outcome. More like a meadow with birds chirping.

10. Along the lines of visualizing, when I met with the lactation people with Avery they told me to visualize the Mississippi River flowing with my breast milk. That would help my body produce more. What it really did was gross me out because of the barges that float down it. Lately I have been having dreams that nursing works for this baby and that I'm more relaxed about the whole process. Let's hope!

11. Speaking of nursing, I have a little pep talk with the girls in the shower last night. Kinda explained some things to them about what June will look like and how they need to step it up. I think they're on board. (Sad thing is, I really did do this.)

12. In a lot of ways, I feel like a first time mom because of what didn't happen with Avery. Natural birth and nursing. (Not that her birth wasn't an amazing miracle, just different than planned.) But then, the part of Avery's first month that was most challenging was all those little details that I won't be nervous about with this girlie. (ie: sleep patterns, growth spurts, how to calm her down, what the word swaddle means, how to bathe her) I second guessed myself constantly, and I don't think I'll do that with this one.

Phew, that what a lot. Probably too much for a blog about nothing, but what's that quote from "You've Got Mail"? ...But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings...