motherhood, and things

…so I'll be talking about being a mom, again. (cue close window.)

Avery snapped this little diddy of me yesterday, and I feel like it says a lot. A mom, in the same outfit she wore the day before, and probably the day prior. Sidenote: I see a lot of mom's on fancy blogs describing their mom style and I'm like, do you actually HAVE kids? Because if what I'm wearing can't be spit up on, peanut butter smeared on, or saturated with baby drool, then I'm not going to wear it. So basically, Target is my jam. Anyway, go ahead moms with style, this mom is just keeping it real, and comfortable. Back to this picture. My eyes are squinting for any cars in the distance as I attempt to cross the street with the three in tow. Ivy strapped to my chest, per her usual, with a binkie hanging from the strap of the ergo carrier, diaper bag (that i'm obsessed with) thrown over my shoulder, conserve kicks that are slip on, cause, you know. Toddler in hand, and the old one taking my picture? Well, she likes to do that. So she takes this picture, without me posing, in the moment. In a mom moment. And, while you might see just a picture, I see a portrait of just who I want to be: a shepherd. 

I was making dinner the other day, tacos, just the way my mom used to make, and pandora was playing, and of course the station was "broadway showstoppers" and sure enough, "don't rain on my parade" came on. I mean, you've heard this, yes? BARBARA!! I'm frying tortillas, (in coconut oil!!) folding them into taco shells, Ivy is sitting in her bouncer wearing her patch, and the bigs are analyzing the map on the wall. Sure, they're standing on their chairs which I don't prefer, but Avery was explaining to Eliza that Russia is trying to take Ukraine. 

It was all in all, a great start to the evening. It felt content to have everyone happy at the same time. 

And the smoke alarm goes off. 

And that's how I feel most of the time in this journey of finding myself as a mom. Everything will be great, kids are happy, naps are happening, toys and books are being shared, toddlers are using the potty, tears are far from their eyes, and then, out of no where, babies will wake up mad, toddlers will poop on the floor (and maybe walk in it, and then walk around the house), sisters will throw elbows, and once loved foods are suddenly akin to poison. So mom goes from happy to annoyed quite quickly. I can go from feeling like a queen, and then the smoke alarm goes off. 

I know that this is how it is for me. For some moms, it not might be so up and down, but for this household of estrogen, it's how it is. Ken deals with this all very well, but most of the day is me and them and I try my hardest to make my reign over this kingdom one that is happy to come home to, and one were the citizens are turning into caring people who love the Lord. 

We heard a talk once from a friend of our pastor's about parenting. He asked the crowd, if I asked your kids what's the most important thing to your mom, or dad, what would they say? After I had delivered my 38th "be quiet, your sister is sleeping" of the day, I was reminded of this talk. Avery would probably say, "My mom just wants us to be quiet." When my heart of hearts is that she would say, "My mom wants us to love Jesus, because he loves us." Like a ton of bricks that hit me, and I thought, is that the most important thing to ME right now? No, actually. It is that they are quiet because I would really like Ivy to sleep. These small tasks in my day become the most important thing to me, and I ignore, or over look the most important thing I'm doing here: shepherding the hearts of my sweet daughters, who the Lord GAVE to us, to raise them to KNOW HIM. Of course, obedience and respect is tied into that, so telling my girls to be quiet is not a bad thing, but it's can't be the ONLY thing. Oh me oh my. What a HUGE thing that we get to do, but it can be so hard sometimes. Survival becomes my mantra, where shepherding falls behind. 

So who knows where I'm going with this, but this week the smoke alarm went off too many times. I found myself overly grateful for a moment and then highly agitated the next. I wish that it weren't so, that grace would pour from my heart for my children, my sweet daughters. I am an open book, or blog rather. I like to share my heart, my trials and triumphs because I would hate for a mom to feel like she's the only one on a roller coaster. I'll end with this, a favorite quote of mine, by a favorite president (of course); Only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.- Richard Nixon (or as I like to call him, Tricky Dicky) 

So here's to the valley moments, so that we can enjoy the view from the mountain tops. 

And then there are pictures, of course. 

(I'm in a few more than usual, so, you're welcome.)

Never a solo tummy time for this little one. 

(Avery took this too, and well, I'm a mess of emotions about it.)

happy weekend friends!