merit badge monday

I got a new job. I'm an official stay at home mom. This has been the case since Eliza was born 8 weeks ago, but school has started up again and it feels more real to me that I don't teach anymore. I see kids walking to school in their freshly pressed uniforms and I think, "I'm so glad I'm not the one who is going to have to tell them that they can't wear those neon pink Nikes to school."

Amen. I feel so blessed to get to stay home with the girls. Ken got a new job that better provides from our clan and he's been been doing great with it. Thankfully the hours are good, 7-4, so he gets to spend the early evenings with his ladies. Ken spent a lot of time with Avery when she was a wee little one because his prior job had really flexible hours. Now, when I got get Avery in the morning she goes, "Daddy? Work!" about 15 times. Eliza doesn't talk yet. 

All that to say, when Monday came (the first day of school) I slowly woke up before the girls after feeding Eliza in the early morn, poured my coffee and felt not one ounce of anxiety. The first weeks of school used to stress me out real bad. I had a hard time sleeping. This Monday was free of that feeling. 

Eliza starts making noise so I get her to feed her. She then calmly sits in her bouncy while I get Avery up. Avery eats some yogurt and milk and then helps me with the laundry. She always helps me put the clean diapers away. We go to her room with our arms full of diapers and we start putting them in her shelf. Then Avery walks towards me as I'm sitting on the ground and throws up all over me. Like a pool of vomit formed in my pants. Then she backs up, throws up again only this time all over the clean diapers. Then one more time for good measure, throws up on her clothes. And then laughs. 

We immediately strip down, both of us, to take a quick bath. The floor of her room has the remnants of the dairy themed breakfast all over her play mats. I pull down her diaper, after asking if she pooped to which she replied that she didn't, only to then have a nice little ball of poop roll out of the diaper into the lactose mess. She's still laughing. 

I grab Avery, put her in the tub and start the water. I run back to the room, get the poop and flush it. Then the door bell rings. 

It's the cable guy. 
I have no clothes on.

Thankfully I didn't fold the load of laundry on the kitchen counter so I throw on a hoodie and some jogging shorts. A hoodie- it's August and 95 degrees. I answer the door and he comes in. 

"Oh, sir, my daughter is taking a bath so don't be alarmed when you walk by."

The guy becomes so dang uncomfortable I thought he was going to throw up. He makes it into the room where the cable hook up is. The room that we often refer to as the crap room. It's where we put everything that doesn't have a home. Boxes and clothes everywhere. I lie and say, "Oh, we just moved and haven't finished unpacking." The guy just stands there as I moved all this junk into the hallway.  

My newborn is fine by the way, totally enjoying the chaos. 

Doorbell rings again, another cable guy. 

"Oh, sir, my daughter is taking a bath so don't be alarmed when you walk by."

"Ohhh, wow! Okay, ummm, okay... ahhhhh." 

Hey man, it's going to be okay. 

Turned out the problem had nothing to do with the cable, something with the electrical. As they come to this conclusion, I'm washing Avery and then getting her out of the tub to get dressed. Avery's usual "run around the house naked post bath" routine was put on hold. I get Avery dressed and diapered with our emergency disposable diapers, which I put on backwards at first, seeing how all our other diapers are covered in vomit and I put her on the couch. I ask, "Elmo?" To which she replied, "La la la la, la la la la... elmsoooong!" Thank God for Netflix streaming. 

The cable guys leave and Avery says bye to them. Phew, that was a little hectic. Oh wait, Avery's room. I walk into her room having smelled it from the hallway and the milk had curdled. Nasty. 

I texted this to Ken and I thought I deserved a merit badge for this. He agreed. Then I realized, all mom's deserve merit badges. Like patches we could affix to our purses or pins that only a select few would know the meaning of. The badge for today: Vomit and the Cable Guy, with a little bit of poop.

In total honestly, I could have easily gone without these events today, but I was so happy that they happened. I loved that I was the one to fix the mess. I knew what to do, and while it felt a bit out of control, I was in control. It was hilarious too in it's ridiculousness. I know these moments will occur all the time. I can't wait! 

Every Monday I hope to write about what happened that week that earned me a metaphorical merit badge, and even though it's Wednesday, it happened on Monday. You're probably thrilled to read more about vomit and poop, I'm sure. 


Ali said...

I like your story, totally comical. You do deserve a merit badge too!

Shannon said...

LOVE, love, love this post! We are going to need a park or home play date soon, I need to kiss those sweet little Eliza cheeks!

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